Twilight Is A Gay Movie
Kristen Stewart recently said Twilight (which is canonically a heterosexual franchise) has queer undertones, and now it’s all I can think about.
The 33-year-old queer icon told Variety, “I don’t think it necessarily started off that way, but I also think that the fact that I was there at all, it was percolating. It’s such a gay movie.”
Now, since the “queer trailblazer” has spoken, I have absolutely no choice but to do what should’ve happened years ago. I’m highlighting every moment in the Twilight Saga that shows it’s unseriously “such a gay movie.”
1.
First, if an angsty teenager goes to a small town “under a near constant cover of clouds and rain” with a population of 3,120 people, it’s probably a gay movie. If you don’t believe me, check the watch history of my last four Amazon Prime movies. Ominous blue and gray skies are queer aesthetic.
2.
Charlie, aka Bella’s daddy, gifts his awkward daughter a “new” old refurbished truck from the Blacks, and Bella’s over-the-top reaction is enough proof that deep down, she secretly wants to haul junk around, wear flannels, work boots, and take up random construction projects.
3.
Jacob Black and Bella instantly bond over being childhood friends, and it’s a clear sign of the best GBF (gay best friendship) in cinematic history, regardless of what transpires next.
4.
When the queer-coded Cullens are first introduced, they appear in color-coordinated outfits paired with their sexless and problematic foster sibling relationships. I know a pack of sassy, elite LGBTQ+ folk with impeccable style when I see it.
5.
When Bella walks into the classroom with that Beyoncé-level fan blowing her hair in Edward Cullen’s direction, he can’t contain himself and gags, gasps, and damn near chokes at the sight of her. TBH, if queer icon Kristen Stewart walked into my biology class, I would be literally gagged too. I get it, Eddie.
6.
Bella lures Edward into the forest to settle her suspicions about him, once and for all. One by one, she describes every Instagay with an OnlyFans account and a spicy Twitter, and Edward is left speechless because Miss Bella clocked him from a mile away.
7.
In the same forest “outing,” Bella questions Edward’s age, and when he confesses that he’s still a teenager, she discovers that he’s looked like a teenager for a very, very long time. In other words, Edward is a twink, baby.
8.
In the scene that sets the tone for the entire saga, Bella finally outs Edward in the middle of the woods and labels him a “vampire,” but we all know that her subsequent late-night convulsions, bloodthirsty lust, and entire arc is just a queer coming-of-age story.
9.
Bella meets the Cullens and their thirtysomething-year-old foster parents, who live in a multi-million-dollar mansion overlooking the entire forest. Only a pair of hot young, queer foster parents could mysteriously have careers successful enough to sustain this ridiculously lavish lifestyle.
10.
The Cullens decide to play baseball in the middle of a thunderstorm, and based on Muse’s “Supermassive Black Hole” blaring in the background, Alice’s high-kicks, and Emmett being 100% trade — it’s basically A League of Their Own directed by Baz Luhrmann.
11.
Any moment these campy vagabonds show up, you know they’re bringing nothing but DRAMA. James Witherdale, Laurent Da Revin, and Victoria Sutherland are the mean gays who show up to the party and judge everyone in sight. Let them find out someone who doesn’t belong be there. They will try to eat them alive.
12.
When Bella sees Sam Uley and his gang of shirtless boys jumping off cliffs, Jacob finally opens up to his bestie. He reveals that Sam keeps giving him eyes like he’s waiting for Jacob to blossom, and it gives him the willies. Sam knew all along.
13.
Bella tries to confront Jacob because he’s “different,” not just because he tossed that dollar store wig in the trash. Bella fears losing her bestie since he’s spending too much time with Sam, the shirtless boys, and a 20-ounce bottle of creatine.
14.
Bella confronts Sam and his pack of half-naked boys to defend Jacob, but when they laugh in her face because she has no idea they’re a bunch of down-low hounds, she slaps the dog piss out of Paul Lahote. This wolf pack of shady queens definitely antagonized Bella.
15.
Edward dramatically travels all the way to Italy to end his eternity because he thinks Bella is dead. When the vampire queens shut him down, he tries to show off his glitter-bombed body in the town square, which is illegal in vampire culture. Every element of this scene is queer.
16.
Everything from the lore, appearance, and emotion the Twilight vampires introduce feels super gay, but nobody holds a candle to The Volturi. These vampire queens and their feisty minions cause problems for everybody for the entire saga, and it’s all because they’re obsessed with everyone’s powers. Arlo, Jane, and company are queer villains. Period.
17.
Bella makes her first cringe-worthy attempt to go all the way with her vamp boy, but Edward freaks out midway. Urging Bella not to take off her clothes, he reveals that it’s too late for his soul but not hers. This sounds like somebody who read too many problematic comments on Lil Nas X’s social media.
18.
The sexual tension between Jacob and Edward peaks when they share a moment together in the ice-cold pitched tent. Jacob basically confirms that he thinks Edward is hot but not as hot as him. When Edward grabs Jacob’s hot, shirtless body with his ice-cold hand, you can tell for a second they completely forgot this had anything to do with Bella.
19.
I have to include this follow-up scene where Jacob and Edward actually bond for a really hot minute. Funny, all it took was for Bella to fall asleep for these late-night confessions to spill out between the supernatural boys. Icy Edward warms up to Jacob and manages to get a little chuckle out of the mad dog. It might be volatile, but these two definitely have chemistry.
20.
Finally, the entire queer-coded Twilight Saga reaches maximum capacity when Jacob lures Charlie, aka the hottest person in Forks, into the woods for a private strip show. Charlie pretends to look away for one second before he becomes Team Jacob. The way Charlie stares at Jacob once he transforms into a giant wolf is the same look Disney’s Belle gave Beast.
Which scenes in The Twilight Saga do you think make it “such a gay movie”? Let’s discuss this in the comments.
You can stream The Twilight Saga on Peacock.
